You say hello, I say goodbye
Well the time has come as I knew it would.
It's time for goodbye and goodbyes for me are always a terrible muddle. For me a goodbye is a hello and vice versa which leads to all kinds of emotional dissonance. At this moment, as a perfect example of this, sitting in the charming Hollywood bungelow that's been my home for years drinking coffee and typing away with tears in my eyes. Every five minutes or so a fresh wave of sadness sweeps over me like a warm breeze and my throat closes and vision melts. Sadness isn't the right word because it's a measure of sadness and joy and thankfulness for the memories and regrets. Nostagia is maybe more accurate if Nostalgia is an emotion. I know that you all, the race of men that is, feel the same thing when you say goodbye. I've seen it many times from my strange vantage.
For some reason my very first encounter with Simon comes to mind. It was another Christmas day. I vividly remember strolling down the street enjoying a perfectly beautiful day - the days were getting noticably nicer as the weather calmed down - which had begun with a spectacular sunset over Malibu. Of course any Angeleno will tell you that strolling down the street enjoying the day is not something we do in this city. We drive and we take beautiful days for granted. Nonetheless there I was, blissfully unaware that a lifechanging meeting was about to happen. After window shopping I jogged across the street and climbed into the little car which would become so familiar but was completely foreign to me at the time (It was one of those urges that I had that I could not resist, a byproduct of my unique situation living into effect and cause and decreasing entropy. The Universe puts me where I need to be and while I can resist the effort is monumental and consequences dire.) I climbed in and found this stranger sobbing and hugging me. He was filled with emotion whereas I had no idea who he was at first. He knew that how I lived so he knew that my growing unfamiliarity meant that we were soon to part. Of couse after a few moments I realized who he was. I had read the books about his exploits and knew that I would be involved. (I have no personal knowledge of the past but I can read!) I had also well known an alternative version of him in my past (his future) but at the moment of meeting, parting for him, I was completely disengaged and confused. From past experience I knew what was happening but the emotion was overwhelming.
I have written or rather will write much more on this subject in your future and my time, I sense, is growing short. I could tell from the Christmas parties I attended today that none of my L.A. friends have met me before. I have been watching these entries dwindle to this last one and I am sure I will soon find out what exactly keeps me out of circulation for a thousand years - whether it is the legendary prison of Nimue or some more scientific version of that. For me, unless I am aware during the imprisonment which I pray is not the case, the emotional goodbye to Arthur is coming soon. In any case there are no credible mention of me or my alias' in the web predating today and, of course, no blog entries so...something will happen (or has happened). Christmas is, as always, a turning point.
Be that as it may this is hello for me. I have enjoyed my time with you my friends and though you don't know me yet I miss you terribly. Your skepticism and your observations and your humor. Your humanity.
Excelsior!
M
It's time for goodbye and goodbyes for me are always a terrible muddle. For me a goodbye is a hello and vice versa which leads to all kinds of emotional dissonance. At this moment, as a perfect example of this, sitting in the charming Hollywood bungelow that's been my home for years drinking coffee and typing away with tears in my eyes. Every five minutes or so a fresh wave of sadness sweeps over me like a warm breeze and my throat closes and vision melts. Sadness isn't the right word because it's a measure of sadness and joy and thankfulness for the memories and regrets. Nostagia is maybe more accurate if Nostalgia is an emotion. I know that you all, the race of men that is, feel the same thing when you say goodbye. I've seen it many times from my strange vantage.
For some reason my very first encounter with Simon comes to mind. It was another Christmas day. I vividly remember strolling down the street enjoying a perfectly beautiful day - the days were getting noticably nicer as the weather calmed down - which had begun with a spectacular sunset over Malibu. Of course any Angeleno will tell you that strolling down the street enjoying the day is not something we do in this city. We drive and we take beautiful days for granted. Nonetheless there I was, blissfully unaware that a lifechanging meeting was about to happen. After window shopping I jogged across the street and climbed into the little car which would become so familiar but was completely foreign to me at the time (It was one of those urges that I had that I could not resist, a byproduct of my unique situation living into effect and cause and decreasing entropy. The Universe puts me where I need to be and while I can resist the effort is monumental and consequences dire.) I climbed in and found this stranger sobbing and hugging me. He was filled with emotion whereas I had no idea who he was at first. He knew that how I lived so he knew that my growing unfamiliarity meant that we were soon to part. Of couse after a few moments I realized who he was. I had read the books about his exploits and knew that I would be involved. (I have no personal knowledge of the past but I can read!) I had also well known an alternative version of him in my past (his future) but at the moment of meeting, parting for him, I was completely disengaged and confused. From past experience I knew what was happening but the emotion was overwhelming.
I have written or rather will write much more on this subject in your future and my time, I sense, is growing short. I could tell from the Christmas parties I attended today that none of my L.A. friends have met me before. I have been watching these entries dwindle to this last one and I am sure I will soon find out what exactly keeps me out of circulation for a thousand years - whether it is the legendary prison of Nimue or some more scientific version of that. For me, unless I am aware during the imprisonment which I pray is not the case, the emotional goodbye to Arthur is coming soon. In any case there are no credible mention of me or my alias' in the web predating today and, of course, no blog entries so...something will happen (or has happened). Christmas is, as always, a turning point.
Be that as it may this is hello for me. I have enjoyed my time with you my friends and though you don't know me yet I miss you terribly. Your skepticism and your observations and your humor. Your humanity.
Excelsior!
M
posted by John at 5:18 PM
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